Before I begin, I do have to admit that this may be the first time several family members or friends will find out about our struggle to conceive a child. This was never meant to be a "top secret" situation. The emotional side of infertility is alot to bare, even more so when it's out in the open. Brian and I decided to let a small group of people know what was going on when it reached a certain point for emotional support, then eventually share our story, no matter the outcome, with everyone. Unfortunately, infertility is becoming more common, but rarely discussed. If we can help just one couple through our experience, then it was worth the heartache. We will never be able to express our gratitude to our family and friends who shared this journey with us, through emotional support, prayers, and those who love us enough to pray for us through this rough patch without asking for even the smallest details. We love you all! Our story is one that can't be summed up in one post. The process, first ultrasound, lessons learned, and the excitement following deserve it's own post. Someday, I hope to share this with our children so that they will fully understand just how much they were wanted, not just by us, but also our family and friends . First, we'll start with a brief overview of a not so brief process.
After several years of trying to conceive, I became concerned that there was an issue, but was too afraid to even discuss the possibilities. My usual stubborn "if I don't acknowledge it, it isn't a problem" mentality. My sister, Allison, and Brian both had the "it may be time to talk to the doctor" chat with me within a few weeks of each other. Since those two can talk sense into me like no one else, I took that as my sign to move forward. I had "the talk" with my doctor last spring and the process began.
The day before our 4th wedding anniversary last July, we had our first appointment with our fertility specialist. I would never have guessed 4 years prior that this is how we would be spending the day. Life is funny like that! After discovering two road blocks, we were on our way with a few tests scheduled over the next few weeks and an overview of our treatment possibilities. We left feeling optimistic and grateful to have found such an incredible fertility specialist.
At our follow-up appointment following the tests, we received not so good news. My condition was more advanced than we originally thought. Our tentative treatment, insemination, only had a 10-15% success rate. Ouch! Our other option was in vitro fertilization with only a 50% success rate. That wasn't exactly what we were expecting to hear! Our doctor left the insemination vs. IVF decision up to us and sent us on our way.
Defeated is the only way I can describe how we felt. In our previous discussions of treatments, IVF was on the back burner. The possibility was there, but there were two other treatment options before we even discussed IVF. Yes, we still had options. Very expensive options with only a 50% success rate. What do you do when you feel defeated and absolutely hate your body? Emotionally eat your way home. Yes, cheesy bacon fries may not be the best way to handle ugly situations, but we felt better about life while killing a plate. Don't judge. After receiving the price estimate and processing our options, Brian said "let's do it". We decided to move forward with IVF. Even though we had a financially, emotionally, and physically draining procedure ahead of us, it was worth it to avoid the "what if's" several years down the road.
And so it began.....
This was the day IVF became real for me - medicine delivery day.
.JPG)
One, that's alot of medicine for a little over a month. Two, red sharps containers belong in doctors' offices, not my house! The process began with one shot in my belly every morning at 5:30. I wouldn't say that I'm afraid of needles....when administered by a medical professional. A needle administered by myself or my husband in my kitchen - now that's a different story. "It will be worth it" I told myself every day leading up to the first shot. The day of the first shot will forever go down in my history as one of my most triumphant days. After a 5:15 am pep talk, I decided to attempt the shot before handing it over to Brian. Success!! I think it's safe to say that everyone who was aware we were going through this process was just as surprised as I was when they got the "I DID IT" call. I had some serious anxiety building up to that shot. The shots continued, then increased to two a day. To put a positive spin on the situation, Brian and I decided to set aside a dollar for every needle that went into my body. At the end of the process, we would use that money to either celebrate or drown our sorrows after the results. After several shots, blood draws, and retrieval, this was the result.
$46! 46 needles in my body in just over a month. I don't think I had 46 needles in my body in the 30 years prior to this experience!
Finally, it was retrieval and transfer week. The day after a successful retrieval, I got the phone call I had been waiting on. Of the 13 eggs retrieved, 11 inseminated! The number wasn't as high as I was hoping for, but it was quality over quantity that mattered. Because our little embryos were doing so well, the clinic bypassed the thought of a day 3 transfer and scheduled us for day 5. (Day 5 is good!)
Five days later, transfer day was here. We met with the doctor prior to the procedure for an update on our embryos. We had one 4AA embryo to transfer, with two they were watching for the best quality. Our doctor mentioned that he would be happy if all of his patients had a 4AA embryo. At this point, he gave us a 60% chance of conceiving one child, 10% chance of twins, and 1% with triplets or more. Even though the 60% was 10% higher than his original estimate, it burned a little knowing there was still a 40% chance this procedure would end in a negative result. I shook off the burn and away Brian and I went to change into our ultra fashionable hospital gowns and hats. Before we left the changing room, we snapped this picture. We didn't know it at the time, but this picture would be the absolute last picture we have of just the two of us.
Minutes before the procedure began, our doctor updated us on the two embryos they were watching. One had upgraded to a 4BB and would be transferred along with the 4AA embryo. Two healthy embryos! We were thrilled! Following the transfer, our doctor came back in to speak with us. The transfer was a success and it was time to let nature take over. He told us "you've had a good cycle. Let's see what happens" with a hint of optimism. For the following 9 days, I held on to that moment as my hope for a positive result.
Day nine was finally here! October 29, 2012. Almost 4 years to the day that we decided to stop my birth control pills. I had my blood drawn at 7:30 for our pregnancy test. I was expecting a call from our nurse with the results later that morning. The call came at 11:17 (yes, I still have the voicemail). Earlier, Brian and I agreed to wait until we both got home from work at 3:30 to listen to the voicemail together. Of course, my mind started racing. What if she didn't leave the results and I need to call her back when we get home?! Brian needs to leave at 4:00 to get to class - what if we can't reach her by then?! I listened to the first few seconds of the voicemail and heard "I have goo..." and stopped. I knew she was well on her way to finish "good" before I hung up. I immediately called Brian and Allison to tell him she had "goo....". Brian gave me the go ahead to listen to the voicemail. I made it to "I have good news. Your pregnancy test came back....." and stopped listening. At this point, I had a good feeling that I was pregnant. I was sure she wasn't calling to tell me the good news is the test came back negative and we weren't finished with them yet. I waited until we were both home to finish the voicemail. After 4 years of hoping for a positive, I wanted us to react together at home, not separately at work.
After what seemed like the longest drive, it was 3:30 and we were both home to listen to the voicemail together. The good news was we were pregnant!! I could not believe it!! We hugged, we laughed, we called Allison and Brian's "brother" Jon. It was an incredible day! We were finally getting the child we had talked about and dreamed of for years! After trying for 4 years and so many negative pregnancy tests, I had to see it for myself, so I bought two at home pregnancy tests. Within a minute, I had a positive result for both. "Wow, Im REALLY pregnant" I thought. If only I had known how pregnant I was!
Later that night, our nurse called from the clinic to congratulate us. She mentioned that of the 5 pregnancy tests they did that day, we had the highest beta number - 421. She then went on to say "Maryann, I mean it's really high. There's a chance you could have multiples". Ohhh, okay. Wow. Well.
We scheduled two more blood draws to ensure my beta numbers were growing. October 31, two days later, my number increased to 812. A week later, November 7, 9794! Woah! We scheduled our first ultrasound for the following Thursday, November 15.
And that day, my friends, deserves it's on special blog.......
.JPG)
